Overcoming the Vicious Cycle of Sexual Performance Anxiety & ED

overcome cycle of performance anxiety

When I was a real young man, I was speaking to this sexy girl who lived in the area… Puerto Rican , cute face, nice skin, gigantic breasts, thin waist, nice ass, and nice legs…. sexy as well.

It was my first time I ever experience the vicious cycle of  sexual performance anxiety aka sexual anxiety.

I went on an official first date with her – I was nervous, as was she, and for a while it looked like there wasn’t much chemistry. It was a double date on the beach, and my friend wasn’t getting much further with his date. However, after a decent amount of alcohol to help smooth the situation, the romance began to blossom.

After some making out and heavy petting (my friend was getting some, too), we decided to visit the jacuzzi by the pool area where my friend lived. By this time it was late, so there was nobody there, and we all stripped down into our underwear and got it.

So with this beautiful goddess bobbing up and down on my lap in the water, I began to get an erection. I maintained it for while, without a second thought… in this situation, who would have thought it would have gone away? We were making out, and I was enjoying those beautiful breasts in my face. After a few minutes, I pulled her panties to the side and tried to stick it in…

In my young ignorance I failed to do a few things that lead to my sexual performance anxiety

1) I didn’t manually stimulate her vagina or clitoris (had no idea what that was at that time) long enough for her to get naturally lubricated (chlorinated jacuzzi water isn’t your friend here) 2) WEAR A CONDOM, 3) take my time and enjoy the situation to the fullest (no pressure). 4) Drank way too much.  Sexual performance anxiety leading to ED was just around the corner….

It was really hard to stick it in. Besides the fact that I did not know how to line it up correctly, it felt impossible to penetrate (not naturally lubricated at all). My penis quickly went soft. First time ever. I was embarrassed.. and worried, and started putting pressure on the situation… Thats the worst thing you can do….it escalated the sexual performance anxiety, and completely killed my erection.

We went to my car, because I thought maybe we were just too close to my friend and his girl, and it made my anxious. It was even worst in the car…nothing at all. While she played with my limp penis she told me, “maybe we just drank too much”. A mature and understanding response… so it wasn’t too bad of a blow to my ego.

A few days later we tried it again. We were watching TV at her place, and no one was home. I was already trying to get myself horny before we began anything (wrong thing to do). I was mentally trying to prepare myself (no need). We made out a bit, she got on top of me, and then we went to her room to “get down to business” (her words). Her humorous wording put even more pressure on the situation. I awkwardly fumbled around with her for a while until I got a semi-erection, and quickly pulled my pants down in hopes of not losing it (mistake – take your time). By the time I put the condom on, I had gone limp… This time, not so patient, she said something like “again?”. This made it far worse than the first time… my sexual performance was becoming a cycle… I was unable to get fully hard again.

My sexual performance anxiety was turning into a vicious cycle, and I needed to find a way out

As soon as I got home I looked up erectile dysfunction. I was worried it was somehow something physical. In a fit of desperation I looked at porn to see if I could get my erection back, and I only got a semi-erection (because of how worried I was). For weeks after, I researched on erectile dysfunction treatments, as well as mental and physical techniques to overcome sexual performance anxiety.

I went back to an ex-girlfriend that I was sexually comfortable with and my erection worked like normal… this was confirmation that my erectile problems were all in my head.

This experience taught me the following:

1) I put too much pressure on the situation; sex is supposed to be fun and not a job. Instead of sharing pleasure, my only goal was getting and staying hard…  this mind-state can definitely create a sexual performance anxiety cycle.

2) The erection knows what to do, you don’t have to mentally tell it. Just have fun and let it do its thing.

3) Not enough relaxation, sexual stimulation and excitement.

4) Weak erectile muscles and blood flow to the penis… even at this young age, some PC strengthening could have helped, along with other erection strengthening exercises.

My Revenge

While it was nice for me to be going between girls like this, I had to check and see if I was able to overcome this problem.

I invited Liz over, and when we had some alone time, I went down on her for a bit. I had been performing erection strengthening exercises for a bit, so my erection felt much more fortified. It flagged a bit some times while I was going down on her, but I didn’t let it worry me. I had faith in it’s ability to work when I needed it.

After going down on her a bit, I started making out with her (sharing the love), and put her hand on my erection… this brought more life to it. I put the condom on, relaxed, and entered her…

It wasn’t the longest sex I’ve had, nor was I sure she even got off (this I learned about later), but I at least we had regular sex, and I got off… and we both felt better about that…….

Over the years, I faced sexual performance anxiety a few more times, generally with new women… but learned something new, each and every time, to the point that I longer have performance anxiety, before sex, ever. My erection performs as it should, no matter the situation. Of course, physically strengthening my erection has helped, but understanding the psychological component of arousal has been key…

I’ve learned exercises to greatly strengthen the muscles responsible for erection, as well as manual techniques to harden the actual composition of the penis and improve blood flow. I don’t need to do them every day, but performing these exercises on a regular basis helps maintain this erection quality. For more on the psychology of overcoming performance anxiety, as well my exercises for harder, longer-lasting erections, see here!

-David Carreras aka Mr. Manpower
Mr. Manpower’s Guide to
Overall Manhood Enhancement

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