I receive an e-mail (or two) like this on a daily basis:
I was reading some blogs and came across links to this book/guide. I would appreciate if you could give me an honest answer as to whether or not you think it would actually help me with the issue I am having. I am young still (early 20s) so it isn’t an age related issue. I have had good sex (or at least they pretended it was good haha) before with different girls and am not concerned about my size or anything.
But one time when I was getting into it, for whatever reason, I went limp when we were about to start and I had just put on the condom. After that happened I have had several occasions where I’ll be rock hard and than once I go to put the condom on I’ll start worrying about staying hard to the point where I’ll go soft and once that happens there’s practically no chance of getting hard again.
It’s really just a mental thing for me (vs physical) and I want to know if this guide would help at all for me getting over this (i.e. I’m not really looking for size gains and don’t need help getting an initial erection). I appreciate your time and hope to hear back from you.
Thank you! “
I remember when I was younger (much younger), in the early days of my sex life. I couldn’t get an erection, and I didn’t know why.
Getting an erection had never been a problem for me… masturbating, fooling around with girls, I always got hard. Being unable to get hard was something only older men had to worry about (or so I thought…)
Then out of nowhere, I met Liz.
A sexy, but intimidating, Puertorican hoochie from “the other side of the bridge”. She had big tits, a thin waist, and a fat booty. Pretty (enough) face.
And after putting in some work, she gave me the green light. I wasn’t sure why she liked me, but she liked me.
A number of issues caused me to be slightly uncomfortable in the situation with this girl:
1) She was intimidating. For a number of reasons. a) She was very sexy. b) Her ex-man was a crazy gang member who had “tried” me when I was a little kid, and who was still around somewhere. c) She was also a lot “tougher” than other girls I had been around (not in a butchy way, just naturally a strong chick), and seemed to see right through me… but she was still feminine, and so damn sexy, so it was worth it.
2) We had to have sex at her house… when her mother left for just a few minutes. My house was off limits, due to a strict, old-school spanish mother who didn’t like closed doors or “disrespect in her house”… the biggest cock-blocker in my life was my own mom. Wouldn’t have had her any other way, though.
So we had to do it when her mom would be grocery shopping or something… talk about pressure!
3) I was cheating on my girlfriend at the time. I was only 17 or 18, so this is the norm for that age (or maybe just for me… I was kind of a slimy hornball). I was cheating on a long-term girlfriend (more than a year… long term for that age), so the guilt played in…
All these things mixed in my brain to produce a negative guilt/anxiety/fear gumbo.
And guess what?
My erection didn’t work.
During foreplay I got hard, no problem… making out, playing with them delicious titties… no issues there.
But once it came time to go to her “business room”, as she called her bedroom (that in itself was a major erection killer, for NUMEROUS reasons), the best I got was about 75% hard, before I put on the condom. Once the condom was on, it was about 40% hard… then I entered (somehow), with a 20% “soft-on”.
It was like a Vienna Sausage being squeezed by a tight vagina ocean… it was too weak to hold its own… I came in no time.
I ran back to my girlfriend with my tail between my legs, didn’t tell her anything of what I did (of course), but had sex with her… and guess what, my erection worked like magic.
So it was a mental erectile dysfunction cause, not a physical… thank God.
It worked fine with my girlfriend whom I was used to… but not the new chick.
Erectile dysfunction in young men is quite common. Sometimes it happens on their first attempt at having sex, sometimes it happens later.
The older I got, and the more open I was talking about sex, the more I realized all my friends had experienced the same, at least at some point in life. And now that I have this site, I get e-mails every day from young men freaking out about the same thing.
It’s happened to all of us!
And it becomes a cycle. Anxiety leads to a failed erection, and this failed erection leads to even more anxiety, which leads to worse erections, which leads to more and more anxiety, worse erections… so on and so on.
Good news, though… this psychological erectile dysfunction can be reversed. You can learn how to get an erection when you need it again. This is how:
1) Don’t deny that the anxiety is there. Don’t act like you’re the coolest cat in the world when you’re not. Everyone gets “pregame jitters” before having sex with a new partner. Accept that the anxiety is there, and this acceptance weakens its power, and you can work with it.
Also know that, as time goes by, and you get more comfortable with this partner, this anxiety can completely disappear.
2) You can’t mentally force, or “will”, yourself to get hard. Work on getting as aroused as possible, and then your erection knows what to do. If you need a little physical stimulation, no worries… grab her hand and put it on your penis. She’ll have fun playing with it while you concentrate on getting as aroused as possible (sucking nipples, squeezing her butt cheeks… whatever floats your boat. Whatever gets you aroused, will get her aroused).
3) When you get an erection, stay hard for a little while before putting on your condom, in order for your erection to get “fortified”. Then put on the condom (and slowly… don’t rush… doing things fast increases your anxiety). And keep your mental arousal levels up until you land your plane in her hangar!
For more information on exercises for stronger erections, as well as more in-depth techniques for overcoming psychological erectile dysfunction, click here: Erectile Dysfunction in Young Men
Have a good one!
-David Carreras aka Mr. Manpower
Mr. Manpower’s Guide to
Overall Manhood Enhancement
The Ultimate Sex Guide for Men… “male potency without drugs”