I received this email today from a young lady whose boyfriend is insecure over his penis size, and has trouble getting over his penis size.
I answered her question the best I could… This shines a light on issues many men face with penis size insecurity.
Her question:
“What to do when the man I love is so insecure about his penis size that it’s ruining our relationship?”
“Though we’ve had sex, for the longest time he would refuse to let me see it or touch it with my hands or put it in my mouth, the latter of which is something I really enjoy doing. After months of asking for it, he finally let me go down on him, and though he enjoyed it a lot, that’s when things started to fall apart. Immediately afterward he asked, “now do you understand why I never wanted you to do that?” and I was honestly dumbstruck. He is of average size and actually has a very attractive penis, and knows how to use it. His insecurity is baffling, but I can never seem to find the right words to explain this to him.
On an unrelated note, I’ve never in my life been able to have an orgasm (not just with him, but with anyone that isn’t myself). He takes this as a personal failure and considers himself even more inadequate as a result, though I’ve told him that it has nothing to do with HIM specifically. He insists that he can’t feel better about himself until he gives me an orgasm. This is somewhat understandable and I’ve told him what I like, but no– it has to be through penetration. My jaw dropped when he told me that; it’s a fact that only a small fraction of women can get off through penetration, and I KNOW I am NOT one of those women. He’s so ignorant of all these basic sex facts (the one mentioned, or that the average vagina is 4-6 inches long so it doesn’t make sense for the penis to be longer than that, that most feeling is in the outermost part of the hole, etc)…
We often have fights about these things. Unfortunately once while I was trying to make him feel better, I ended up doing the opposite. He asked if I had ever been with smaller or bigger, and I answered honestly and said I had been with both, but that bigger wasn’t better because it often hurt because it would hit my cervix. He then asked if I had slept with this person multiple times, and when I answered “yes” he responded with “well it didn’t hurt that bad”. Since he thought I was lying and I felt like I had dug myself into a hole, I explained that it was my ex-boyfriend who I had been with for several years– my point being that that was the only reason I kept suffering through the pain, but the point he got was that I lost my virginity to some huge guy that he could never compare to.
I guess I’m not sure what I’m asking here specifically. Just a general, “help, what should I do?”
Not that it should matter much, but I am 21 and he’s 29.”
-Cindi
My Response On How He Can Get Accept His Penis Size And Get Over His Insecurity Over The Ex’s Penis Size
Hi Cindi,
Men can have a tough time when it comes to accepting our insecurities, and penis size is one of the biggest… (especially when it’s not one of the biggest…)
However, your boyfriend seems to be taking it a bit further then he needs to. In asking about penis size of previous people you had been with, he’s opening a door he shouldn’t have… especially now that he knows it’s an ex you had been with for years.
This is the same problem as asking how many people someone has had sex with… better left unasked, to be honest. It’s like, sure, you can hit yourself in the head with a hammer, too… but why?
There is no option but to accept how we are physically.
I’m short for a man, and I went bald at an early age. Still… I’ve worked to accept this.
Acceptance of “faults” is almost like a two steps forward, one step back process… sometimes I think I’m fully over things, and then something may happen that causes a moment of embarrassment or insecurity… however, over, with age has come the building of an unshakable (for the most part) confidence thanks to this constant working on acceptance.
Accept your penis size, whatever size that may be… get over it… live your life. You’re a man, you have a penis, testicles and testosterone. Look at dogs… a male pit bull is a mean ass little masculine beast, and look how small its penis is.
As to the trauma he opened up about your ex… think he’ll just have to accept this like everything else. If you really like him, be patient with him. Tell him you could care less about penis size (and that most women don’t), that he pleases you better than your last (whether it’s true or not), and he should get over it… if not, then hate to say it, but he’s probably dealing with other mental issues, and you have to consider what you want to do there…
He’s average… the vast majority of penis sizes in most large surveys are somewhere between 5 and 6 inches, or 5.5 to 6.5 inches… porn, and our friends’ BS bragging (usually lies) about penis size is what creates a skewed idea in our heads of what average is.
And average doesn’t mean bad… average means, normal. As in what the majority of other guys around him have.
Now, once we’ve established that, it’s up to you how you’d like to do, but for his confidence sake, maybe consider sharing with him the following information.
With manual penis enlargement techniques, he can add some size to his penis. Most men add about an inch or so in length, and can add a bit of girth. Some gain less, some gain more. I’ve written about them in my guide, here. They increase flaccid penis size, which helps with confidence as well.
As to your orgasm during sex, if he wants to give it to you during penetration, he can, regardless of this size:
- He needs to go down on you for a bit before penetrating. It’s important to warm the clitoris up before penetrating, as the clitoris is responsible for the orgasm anyway.
- Keeping this clitoris is key thing in mind, have him rub on your clitoris with his pelvis, hard, when penetrating in and out.
- Learn to ride him… riding him allows you to control the type and speed of stimulation to your clitoris, and you may just need to discover what that type of stimulation is.
This should be a good start to set you in the right direction. Best of luck to you and him!
-David Carreras aka Mr. Manpower
Mr. Manpower’s Guide to
Overall Manhood Enhancement
The Ultimate Sex Guide for Men… “male potency without drugs”
www.MisterManpower.net
[email protected]
–
