How to Actually Last Longer in Bed: Real Solutions for Premature Ejaculation

How to Actually Last Longer in Bed

Premature ejaculation is often the punchline of a joke in TV shows and movies. When men can’t last long in bed, or last less time than expected, it becomes shorthand for not being as manly as someone who can. Our culture has taught men to believe that premature ejaculation leads to women not feeling satisfied and men feeling frustrated and emasculated. Unfortunately, many times this is the outcome.

There are a few things to keep in mind: premature ejaculation happens to everyone at some point, and pretty much any case of premature ejaculation can be fixed (ideally naturally / mentally, but if needed with medication). Happened to me for several years actually, until I got the problem under control.

In this article, I’ll explain some of the main causes of premature ejaculation, and some real solutions that actually work for those who suffer from PE.

The Stats on Premature Ejaculation

It’s tough in many instances to know what makes ejaculation “premature” because every situation and every man is different. This also makes it difficult to figure out how prevalent PE is.

For example, some men, due to the tightness of their muscles, their arousal levels, their partner’s stimulation tactics, and more, may never last more than a minute or two during sex, despite having nothing actually wrong with them, and feel like everything is okay! For other men, an expectation to last a half hour in bed with full stimulation causes them to think they have a PE problem even if they last longer than average.

As a basic rule, the NCBI (National Center for Biotechnology Information) defines the average time between the beginning of stimulation and ejaculation as 5-7 minutes, even though there are many perfectly healthy outliers that are shorter and longer than that. That’s just the average. A study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine surveyed men whose partners used a stopwatch during sex and found that non-PE men lasted just over 7 minutes while men who reported suffering from PE lasted less than 2 minutes

Many men may be unaware of the average when they report having premature ejaculation, which they might be defining based only on their expectations (or their partner’s). According to IJIR: Your Sexual Medicine Journal, approximately 30% of men report experiencing premature ejaculation, no matter how long they actually last in bed. This makes it the most common sexual dysfunction experienced by men.

To make it simple, I believe you have premature ejaculation if you ejaculate before providing a woman with an orgasm… whether it’s two minutes or half an hour.

Causes of Premature Ejaculation

Regardless of how you define it, anyone who suffers from premature ejaculation reports it because it has caused them distress and they want to solve it. Some men have almost no control over their ejaculation at all. An estimated 4% have zero control over their ejaculation, which disrupts both their own pleasure and their partner’s.

Despite its prevalence, premature ejaculation does not have one single known cause. Some doctors believe that the nerve endings in the penis can be too sensitive, causing premature climax. Others suggest that hormone changes can affect the ability to last. Emotional and psychological factors of premature ejaculation have become much more common knowledge over the last few decades as well. Performance anxiety can cause muscles and nerves to tense up, leading to PE. This causes a vicious cycle where the fear of premature ejaculation can actually cause it to happen!

A few instances of PE throughout a man’s life are common and unavoidable. But when it happens often, many men seek help for this embarrassing condition. Hope to help provide some direction in those case.

Solving Premature Ejaculation: A Natural, Personal Approach

Real solutions to premature ejaculation

Real solutions for premature ejaculation involve first figuring out what could be causing the problem for you. In some cases there will be more than one cause, so trying different things and adding to them to create a regimen will help you see results.

The solutions to PE can be separated into several broad groups, which we will define as: desensitization, medicine, PC muscles, and the mind.

Desensitization

The quickest and least invasive way to try to prevent premature ejaculation is to desensitize yourself before or during sex.

Condoms can be a good place to start if you don’t already use them. The layer between you and your partner can reduce sensitivity and prevent PE. Certain condoms in the Trojan and Durex Performax brands include numbing agents inside. These anesthetics, including lidocaine and benzocaine, can numb you long enough to have satisfying sex. And combined with proper penetrative techniques, contrary to popular belief, condoms can actually improve a woman’s chances of having an orgasm!

Alternatively, these anesthetics can be bought in creams or sprays from a drug store and used to safely delay ejaculation. Some are available with a prescription as well. Using them 15 minutes before sex can be one way to reduce sensitivity and last longer artificially.

Be warned however that anesthetic sprays can have negative effects, such as loss of sensitivity for some time after sex, inability to know when you’re erect and less enjoyable sex. You are spraying yourself with sensation-reducing chemicals after all, during an activity that’s pretty much all about sensation. Your partner may experience loss of sensation as well should they come in contact with any of the chemicals.

Medicine

In addition to sprays, oral medications can be prescribed to delay orgasm. The FDA has not officially approved any medication for PE, but studies have shown that antidepressants called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). SSRI’s delay ejaculation, even with on-demand use.

Additionally, medications traditionally used to treat erectile dysfunction like Viagra and Cialis may have applications for treating PE as well.

Correcting a B12 deficiency, if present, has been shown to correct PE as well in many cases.

PC Muscles

When men Google how to fix premature ejaculation, many sites offer them advice in the form of “kegel exercises.” The directions for these exercises (from the Mayo Clinic) read as follows:

  1. Find your pelvic floor muscles by stopping a stream of urine. These muscles are your pelvic floor.
  2. Tighten these muscles for 3 seconds then relax for 3-5 seconds by breathing into your belly. Do a few in a row when standing, lying down, walking, at your desk, or just before bed.
  3. Focus on flexing the pelvic floor and not the abdomen or buttocks. Be sure to breathe regularly.
  4. Repeat throughout the day – anywhere from 30 to 100 repetitions or more if you feel comfortable.

The theory behind using kegels to prevent PE is sound – by making these muscles stronger, men can achieve more control over ejaculation. And it works. However, it’s important to keep in mind not to kegel during sex, as this tightness and contraction can actually lead to premature ejaculation.

The reverse kegel is a much better option for men who want to regain ejaculatory control. It involves breathing deeply into your belly so that your stomach expands, and gently pushing the pelvic floor muscles out, rather than tightening them up, keeping you further from ejaculation.

Mind

Lastly, your mind is one of the strongest “control centers” in charge of your ability to delay ejaculation during sex (or finish too soon, if filled with anxiety, concern, or over-excitement).

Keeping your mind at ease, all throughout the sexual performance, and not allowing your arousal thoughts to skyrocket unattended helps. Meditation helps you gain better control over your thoughts. 

Learning to control your mind during sex, while applying mental techniques, is one of your best bets.

How to Last Longer in Bed – More Advanced Techniques

This should be a good enough guide to get you started, at least adding on some time to your performance. Remember, you didn’t ejaculate prematurely, if she had an orgasm. Stimulate her clitoris, before and during sex… that’s key.

Have a good one!

-David Carreras aka Mr. Manpower
Mr. Manpower’s Guide to
Overall Manhood Enhancement

david@mistermanpower.net

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The Link Between Performance Anxiety and Erectile Dysfunction (and How to Break It)

performance anxiety and ED

“Performance anxiety” is a term that a lot of web journals use to tell men that their erectile dysfunction is mental rather than physical. The idea of it being “all in your head” doesn’t really help though, since mental issues are often just as hard to treat as physical ones (or harder). By obsessing over it being your fault, your brain’s failure, or your inability to accept your “sexual duty” as a man, your erectile function will not get better. Worry will make it worse.

This is why you need a clean slate. No more “all in your head.” No more “just relax.” By explaining the exact link between what we call anxiety, where that anxiety comes from, and the difficulties men have with erectile dysfunction, we want to help you break the cycle of stress that’s causing the mental (and physical) reactions that are preventing you from having the best sex you can.

Why is Sex a “Performance?”

Performing is stressful. If you’ve ever been through a recital, band audition, a big game, a speech, etc., you know that. You know that your tailbone tucks, your fingers sweat, your heart beats faster, or you just feel agitated and nervous. It’s all perfectly normal. When we care about something, like our music or sport, we get anxiety when it’s time to put that care to the test.

While both men and women can experience feelings of performance during sex, men shoulder the burden of the anxiety differently. And this anxiety leads to erectile dysfunction.

Sexual dysfunction can happen to anyone, but it’s more likely to occur due to “a man’s attitude towards sex, conflict in [his] relationship, and performance anxiety,” according to a study conducted for the International Journal of Stress Management. This means not only that there’s a clear link between performance anxiety and ED, but also that how men think about sex and their relationship is the key to dysfunction caused by anxiety.

When considering how men, even young men, can become anxious before or during sex, look at how our culture shapes their attitude towards it. Think of all the movies where a woman jokes about sex not being long enough, or that the man sleeps afterward, that she didn’t get enough orgasms, or that it wasn’t satisfying. This reduced, Hollywoodized version of relationships shows a very small aspect of the real experience of people who love each other, who can often satisfy each other without needing a “better performance.”

Yet, the media portrayal of how the man needs to “perform” ironically may be partly causing the attitude shift that makes him least likely to be able to do so. By making men feel like something is expected of them, their nerves make it more difficult to get (and give) the pleasure they should.

It’s well-known in the 21st century that advertising unattainable standards of beauty in movies, TV, and magazines can make women feel insecure about their looks. The media surrounding male sexual performance, its own kind of “unattainable standard,” may have a comparable effect on men’s insecurities when it’s time to “perform” in bed.

Since we know that how men view themselves and their relationship is the lynchpin of performance anxiety, it’s important to ask why sex is even considered a “performance” in the first place.

The Effects of Performance Anxiety

Whether influenced by cultural standards, our upbringing, or the challenges in our current relationships, performance anxiety comes with a host of nasty effects related to erectile dysfunction. Men can lose the ability to orgasm, their libido can tank in response to not enjoying sex, and they can even develop premature ejaculation due to their anxiety.

These effects come in cycles and it’s important to realize that if you’ve been evaluated for physical issues, or you have no reason to believe there’s anything else wrong, then the effects of anxiety are not permanent. There’s nothing wrong with you, your penis, or your manliness.

This article won’t obsess over the symptoms because you shouldn’t either. If you’re having trouble with erections, you know it, and obsessing over symptoms by using Dr. Google as a replacement for real help is part of the problem.

What you need is a step-by-step plan of how to break this cycle. Now that you know that it’s not your fault and that you can get your mojo back, follow these tips to overcome your anxiety and bring your erections back (with a vengeance).

Breaking the Cycle of Anxiety: A Three-Step Guide

Performance Anxiety Sex

Before we get into the steps, understand that you can’t fix hard-wired anxiety instantly. If you’ve been having this trouble for years, it may take a lot of work to get back in the saddle, so to speak. And if it’s only happened once and you’re worried that it could become a pattern, you can still use this advice. Just realize that everyone has bad sexual experiences sometimes. Both men and women experience anxiety, lose the mood, can’t orgasm, or can’t satisfy their partner all the time.

In either case, the culprit is likely our obsession with self-monitoring our performance and being critical of ourselves. This leads to anxiety, which leads to ED. Instead of monitoring yourself, you should be focused on the moment. Instead of being locked in the thoughts in your head, you should be feeling the sensations of your body. This is what you have to do to break the cycle.

Step 1: Change your attitude

It’s hard to break a mental cycle without realizing that you need to shift the way you think about the problem first. Cognitive-behavioral therapy offers pretty good advice on how to do this. Here’s a simplified version of it.

First, tell yourself the belief that is causing your problem. Maybe it’s something like, “I’m worried that she’ll leave me if I can’t have better sex.” Or, “I’m worried I’ll ejaculate too soon and we won’t enjoy sex.” Then, write down an alternative that’s way better. It could be something like, “We can enjoy being sexual together no matter what happens with my penis.” Or, “I know she loves me, no matter what happens in bed.”

Do this often: identify your anxiety and write down alternatives. What you’re doing is reinforcing the alternative and making the anxiety seem less inevitable. This will give you more mental room to accept the possibility that everything’s okay.

Step 2: Masturbate better

For many men that experience performance anxiety, masturbation is the only time they enjoy their erections and have orgasms. Masturbating better can actually help you defeat the anxiety.

First, you need to be mindful. This means that you should focus on the sensations of your body, the relaxation and movement of muscles, and imagine being sexual with a partner without obsessing over any other thoughts. Spend a lot of time pleasuring yourself without rushing or thinking that you “have” to climax. Enjoy the affection you can have for yourself when you don’t care what happens.

If you do this regularly, you can improve your performance anxiety. You can demystify your pleasure, making it easier to attain, and easier to give.

Step 3: Involve your partner

Many men feel that performance anxiety is a solo problem. However, if you have a partner, the chances are that they want to help you and to know what’s going on in your head. Voicing your concerns can help you dispel them. More than that, if they know what’s going on, they’ll know to support you, be uncritical, and help you focus on your pleasure.

Most people want their partners to be happy. Communication can help you recruit the person you love most to your team. Anxiety is way easier to fight together.

The Takeaway for Men

Performance anxiety can feel like a male-only problem and it can also feel very lonely. Neither of these things is true. However, the way our media treats men, often portraying them as responsible for the quality of sex while women stoically judge the results, encourages the culture of performance that leads a lot of men down the cycle of anxiety that, eventually, can cause ED.

The good news is that by acknowledging where anxiety comes from, it becomes way easier to dispel. Being mindful of your pleasure, masturbating with plenty of time and self-attention, and communicating with your partner all make the problem much easier to solve. Performance anxiety is not unsolvable. Like any cycle, it just has to be broken.

For more on how to overcome sexual performance anxiety and achieve harder erections on command, see here: Guide to Overcoming Psychological ED

Have a good one!

-David Carreras aka Mr. Manpower
Mr. Manpower’s Guide to
Overall Manhood Enhancement

the ultimate sex guide for men… “male potency without drugs”

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How Masturbation Increases Sex Drive

masturbation increase sex drive

Men of all ages often wonder if masturbation increases sex drive, or does it actually harm it? We’ve done some research here in order to get to the bottom of the age-old question, and we’ve found that masturbation helps — rather than hurts — your sex drive, and for all the following reasons.

What Masturbation Actually Does To Our Body, and How That Affects Our Sex Drive

Since our early adolescence, we’ve all learned that masturbating makes us feel good, eliminates the “horniness”, and usually leaves us tired.

Masturbating actually has several effects on your body. One of the biggest is the release of a several hormones from your endocrine system, including oxytocin, the “love hormone” that is also released during cuddling or sex. Yes, oxytocin relaxes you—it lowers your heart rate and blood pressure, but it also lowers cortisol, the stress hormone… and cortisol has an inverse relationship with testosterone… meaning the lower cortisol, the higher the testosterone… and testosterone improves sex drive, so in this way masturbation boosts sex drive in the long run.

Masturbating also release endorphins, the same hormones released after exercise. You may not get runner’s high after masturbating, but you’ll likely have an improved mood, just like after a good workout. These endorphins are also conducive to increased focus and concentration, which is why many people opt to work out, or get it on, in the morning before the workday.

How Does Masturbation Affect Testosterone?

One study analyzed the concentrations of hormones, including testosterone, before and after masturbation. They found that masturbating significantly boosted testosterone, along with several other hormones important to the male sex drive. To be fair, masturbation is not the only thing that does this: certain foods, Vitamin D, and exercise can all raise your testosterone levels. However, knowledge is power, and the combination of masturbation along with exercising and Vitamin D supplementation can only improve your sex drive further.

As to further proof that testosterone increases sex drive, in this 2016 study, researchers looked at about 715 guys who were producing lower-than-normal levels of testosterone. They injected them with a solution of testosterone, and then examined their energy levels and sex drive. The results showed that testosterone significantly increased their sex drive.

Note: Too much of anything is a bad thing, though! Before considering anything like testosterone replacement therapy to increase testosterone production, know that having higher than average testosterone production has been shown to correlate with excessive aggression and risk-taking behavior. Some studies have shown that higher levels of testosterone may be linked to higher rates of criminal behavior, infidelity and divorce, and reckless financial decisions

Masturbation Helps You Exercise Your “Freaky Side”, and Keeps You “Ready”

All of us have a sex muscle that we can work out (not talking about our penis, mean more the mental aspect of our sex drive). The more we accustom ourselves to becoming aroused and ejaculating, the more our mind craves that state and satisfaction. Masturbating increases sex drive by keeping us both mentally and physically ready for sexual stimulation.

Masturbation Increases Sex Drive – So Don’t Hold Back!

masturbation increases sex drive

Taking all of these studies and observations into consideration, you can see that while there may be an initial satiety and fatigue following masturbation, the longer term affects of increasing your testosterone production and exploring more about what turns you on is how masturbation increases sex drive. 

Unless you have severe guilt towards masturbating and self-pleasure — which can occur in more religiously-raised men (and if it is the case, you should examine this false guilt and attempt to move past it) — you should not feel about about exercising this option for increasing sex drive.

All in all, masturbation has been found to be quite healthy, and there’s no harm in seeing for yourself how masturbation affects your sex drive over time…

…As if we needed another excuse to masturbate 😉 

For more ways to naturally increase your sex drive, as well as achieve stronger erections, last-longer during sex and more, see here! Mr. Manpower’s Guide to Overall Manhood Enhancement

Have a good one!

-David Carreras aka Mr. Manpower
Mr. Manpower’s Guide to
Overall Manhood Enhancement

david@mistermanpower.net

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How to Get An Erection When Nervous Before Sex

How to get an erection when nervous

All of us get nervous before sex… men and women alike.

Difference for women, though, is that they can get nervous and it’s no big deal. What’s the worst that happens; they don’t get wet? Synthetic lubricant will take care of that, or the lubrication on a condom.

On the other hand, as men, if we get overly nervous before sex, then we can’t get an erection… and then the failure of both parties to have sex all falls on our shoulders.

(We have a lot of responsibility as men when it comes to sex — we’re also expected to last long enough to make a woman orgasm, they have no such time limit!)

And the more we stress out about it, the less our chances of becoming erect!

So what do we do? If becoming nervous is part of sex, and becoming nervous kills our erection?

Heres’s how to get an erection when nervous.

It’s Okay To Get Nervous Before Sex — Accept Your Anxiety and Your Erection Will Be Better Off

how to overcome sexual performance anxiety

First thing lots of guys do when they can’t get an erection is they freak out… and now it’s even harder to get an erection…

Part of learning how to get an erection when nervous is to accept that you are nervous, not ignore it or try and push it away… know that it’s normal to feel this way, especially when having sex with someone new.

There’s no shame in this… there’s nothing inherently wrong with you.

I remember when I got hit with a bad case of “mental ED” in my late teens – I must have been about 19 years old. I was trying to have sex with this very sexy girl, and my erection just wouldn’t function. Made no kind of sense to me.

After trying time and time again to “force” myself to get hard (doesn’t work), we ended up having “sex” one day where I was able to achieve about a 50% erection and enter her. That’s the worst time to have sex, because not only does she not feel anything, but your penis isn’t “strong”… “fortified”… and is prone to getting “overwhelmed” by the amazing, engulfing feelings of her vagina… and you usually end up ejaculating sooner.

That’s what happened to me with this particular girl.

However, something interesting occurred that made me feel much better, and showed me I wasn’t alone with this.

I visited a friend’s house, and one of his friends was there, a guy who was known in the neighborhood as a “cool guy” and had his way with girls…

Thing about this guy was he was actually cool… didn’t try, nothing phony about him. If anything, he was very honest, in a refreshing sort of way.

And somehow the topic of sex came up, and out of nowhere he opened up about not being able to get an erection with a girl he was with… sharing all the same frustrations and negative feelings I was going through.

Then my friend opened up… he too had experienced the problem before.

This was pre-internet forum days… real life forum. And these guys (two high-school football players, manly tough guys) opened up about having issues getting it up before sex due to nerves.

We all shared, and I felt so much better after this conversation… and over the years, can’t count how many times I’ve overheard guys discussing similar issues. It happens to everyone… at least at some point in their lives…

Anxiety before sex happens… so.. you just need to learn how to get past it.

So how does all of this tie into how to get an erection when nervous? Accepting that it is normal to feel anxiety before sex actually weakens that very same anxiety’s “choking grip” on your arousal, and allows the “highway of horniness” to open up once again between your mind and your penis.

Build Up Your Arousal While Keeping Your Anxiety In Check In Order to Get an Erection When Nervous

Admitting that you are anxious not only weakens the anxiety, but it allows you to see the anxiety clearly and work through it.

To get an erection when nervous, you want to concentrate on becoming as mentally aroused as possible… Build up that arousal power until the anxiety no longer holds it back and your erection has no choice but to show up. Concentrate on what arouses you the most… and in layman’s terms, “get as horny as possible”.

“Use her”, to become aroused… believe it or not, she will like this. While you’re working on building up your arousal, she’ll be getting turned on and super wet. It’s a win-win.

Accept the anxiety, build up the arousal, and let your erection happen on its own. It knows what to do, no need to tell it.

Take Your Time and Have Fun – Sex is Not A Life Or Death Situation

overcoming sexual anxiety

Sex is supposed to be fun, but we quite often take it too seriously.

Either we’re new to sex and don’t want to be exposed… or it’s been a while since we’ve had sex… or we’re really trying to impress a new woman…

I’ve been in each of these situations throughout my life, so I can relate.

And one thing I can say is, sex is not that serious… now, if you’re in a long-term relationship, and your girlfriend has never had an orgasm, that is a problem that should be taken care, but for a quickie with a new girl, there’s no need to take things so seriously. You have time to improve your technique later.

Joke about things… laugh… have fun… then when your erection is up and at attention, and you’re already inside and going to town, then you can go into “beast mode” if you’d like…

And slooowwwww down… there’s no rush. No rush to get an erection, no rush to keep an erection.

We incorrectly assume that once we lose an erection during sex, we’ll have trouble regaining it… as long as we keep our cool for the most part, we can lose and regain our erection as many times as we’d like. So remove this anxiety from your mind. And enjoy the build up of your arousal.

Don’t take yourself or the situation too seriously… and slow down, rushing won’t help anything… and that will relieve some pressure helping you to achieve and keep erections more naturally.

Physically Strengthen Your Erections for More Confidence in Your Machinery – And Better Understand the Mind / Erection Connection

anxious about getting an erection before sex

Performing cardio, strengthening your PC muscle, and keeping your vitamin D levels in a healthy range are all natural, yet scientifically-backed ways of improving your erection strength, regardless of age.

Improve your erection quality so you feel more confidence in your physical abilities. For more in-depth exercises to develop physically harder, longer-lasting erections, see here!

And while this is a good intro to what is needed to overcome mental blocks to achieving an erection, for more in-depth methods to get an erection when nervous, see here.

Have a good one!

-David Carreras aka Mr. Manpower
Mr. Manpower’s Guide to
Overall Manhood Enhancement

david@mistermanpower.net

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