How to Actually Last Longer in Bed: Real Solutions for Premature Ejaculation

How to Actually Last Longer in Bed

Premature ejaculation is often the punchline of a joke in TV shows and movies. When men can’t last long in bed, or last less time than expected, it becomes shorthand for not being as manly as someone who can. Our culture has taught men to believe that premature ejaculation leads to women not feeling satisfied and men feeling frustrated and emasculated. Unfortunately, many times this is the outcome.

There are a few things to keep in mind: premature ejaculation happens to everyone at some point, and pretty much any case of premature ejaculation can be fixed (ideally naturally / mentally, but if needed with medication). Happened to me for several years actually, until I got the problem under control.

In this article, I’ll explain some of the main causes of premature ejaculation, and some real solutions that actually work for those who suffer from PE.

The Stats on Premature Ejaculation

It’s tough in many instances to know what makes ejaculation “premature” because every situation and every man is different. This also makes it difficult to figure out how prevalent PE is.

For example, some men, due to the tightness of their muscles, their arousal levels, their partner’s stimulation tactics, and more, may never last more than a minute or two during sex, despite having nothing actually wrong with them, and feel like everything is okay! For other men, an expectation to last a half hour in bed with full stimulation causes them to think they have a PE problem even if they last longer than average.

As a basic rule, the NCBI (National Center for Biotechnology Information) defines the average time between the beginning of stimulation and ejaculation as 5-7 minutes, even though there are many perfectly healthy outliers that are shorter and longer than that. That’s just the average. A study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine surveyed men whose partners used a stopwatch during sex and found that non-PE men lasted just over 7 minutes while men who reported suffering from PE lasted less than 2 minutes

Many men may be unaware of the average when they report having premature ejaculation, which they might be defining based only on their expectations (or their partner’s). According to IJIR: Your Sexual Medicine Journal, approximately 30% of men report experiencing premature ejaculation, no matter how long they actually last in bed. This makes it the most common sexual dysfunction experienced by men.

To make it simple, I believe you have premature ejaculation if you ejaculate before providing a woman with an orgasm… whether it’s two minutes or half an hour.

Causes of Premature Ejaculation

Regardless of how you define it, anyone who suffers from premature ejaculation reports it because it has caused them distress and they want to solve it. Some men have almost no control over their ejaculation at all. An estimated 4% have zero control over their ejaculation, which disrupts both their own pleasure and their partner’s.

Despite its prevalence, premature ejaculation does not have one single known cause. Some doctors believe that the nerve endings in the penis can be too sensitive, causing premature climax. Others suggest that hormone changes can affect the ability to last. Emotional and psychological factors of premature ejaculation have become much more common knowledge over the last few decades as well. Performance anxiety can cause muscles and nerves to tense up, leading to PE. This causes a vicious cycle where the fear of premature ejaculation can actually cause it to happen!

A few instances of PE throughout a man’s life are common and unavoidable. But when it happens often, many men seek help for this embarrassing condition. Hope to help provide some direction in those case.

Solving Premature Ejaculation: A Natural, Personal Approach

Real solutions to premature ejaculation

Real solutions for premature ejaculation involve first figuring out what could be causing the problem for you. In some cases there will be more than one cause, so trying different things and adding to them to create a regimen will help you see results.

The solutions to PE can be separated into several broad groups, which we will define as: desensitization, medicine, PC muscles, and the mind.


The quickest and least invasive way to try to prevent premature ejaculation is to desensitize yourself before or during sex.

Condoms can be a good place to start if you don’t already use them. The layer between you and your partner can reduce sensitivity and prevent PE. Certain condoms in the Trojan and Durex Performax brands include numbing agents inside. These anesthetics, including lidocaine and benzocaine, can numb you long enough to have satisfying sex. And combined with proper penetrative techniques, contrary to popular belief, condoms can actually improve a woman’s chances of having an orgasm!

Alternatively, these anesthetics can be bought in creams or sprays from a drug store and used to safely delay ejaculation. Some are available with a prescription as well. Using them 15 minutes before sex can be one way to reduce sensitivity and last longer artificially.

Be warned however that anesthetic sprays can have negative effects, such as loss of sensitivity for some time after sex, inability to know when you’re erect and less enjoyable sex. You are spraying yourself with sensation-reducing chemicals after all, during an activity that’s pretty much all about sensation. Your partner may experience loss of sensation as well should they come in contact with any of the chemicals.


In addition to sprays, oral medications can be prescribed to delay orgasm. The FDA has not officially approved any medication for PE, but studies have shown that antidepressants called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). SSRI’s delay ejaculation, even with on-demand use.

Additionally, medications traditionally used to treat erectile dysfunction like Viagra and Cialis may have applications for treating PE as well.

Correcting a B12 deficiency, if present, has been shown to correct PE as well in many cases.

PC Muscles

When men Google how to fix premature ejaculation, many sites offer them advice in the form of “kegel exercises.” The directions for these exercises (from the Mayo Clinic) read as follows:

  1. Find your pelvic floor muscles by stopping a stream of urine. These muscles are your pelvic floor.
  2. Tighten these muscles for 3 seconds then relax for 3-5 seconds by breathing into your belly. Do a few in a row when standing, lying down, walking, at your desk, or just before bed.
  3. Focus on flexing the pelvic floor and not the abdomen or buttocks. Be sure to breathe regularly.
  4. Repeat throughout the day – anywhere from 30 to 100 repetitions or more if you feel comfortable.

The theory behind using kegels to prevent PE is sound – by making these muscles stronger, men can achieve more control over ejaculation. And it works. However, it’s important to keep in mind not to kegel during sex, as this tightness and contraction can actually lead to premature ejaculation.

The reverse kegel is a much better option for men who want to regain ejaculatory control. It involves breathing deeply into your belly so that your stomach expands, and gently pushing the pelvic floor muscles out, rather than tightening them up, keeping you further from ejaculation.


Lastly, your mind is one of the strongest “control centers” in charge of your ability to delay ejaculation during sex (or finish too soon, if filled with anxiety, concern, or over-excitement).

Keeping your mind at ease, all throughout the sexual performance, and not allowing your arousal thoughts to skyrocket unattended helps. Meditation helps you gain better control over your thoughts. 

Learning to control your mind during sex, while applying mental techniques, is one of your best bets.

How to Last Longer in Bed – More Advanced Techniques

This should be a good enough guide to get you started, at least adding on some time to your performance. Remember, you didn’t ejaculate prematurely, if she had an orgasm. Stimulate her clitoris, before and during sex… that’s key.

Have a good one!

-David Carreras aka Mr. Manpower
Mr. Manpower’s Guide to
Overall Manhood Enhancement

[email protected]

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